Always Continue to be Kind and Loving, Even when Things Do Not Seem Fair

I found this quote on someone’s FaceBook page that says we should always be kind and good no matter what others think of us. In the end everything is between us and God. I like this and think we can apply it to our marriages as well. Sometimes I don’t think things are fair because I might be doing too much, but I need to keep doing what I know is right. I should also tell my wife when I feel I am doing too much and she will most likely help me by doing more herself. I recently expressed my feelings of being overwhelmed and she showed compassion towards me. She let me know that she does recognize everything I do and appreciates me. That made me feel a lot better and in a way gave me more fuel to continue doing more.

I really learned a lot from reading and watching videos from John Gottman. I think that the idea of being emotionally intelligent really does work if we apply it in our marriage. The way I look at it is that we need to control our emotions and not let our emotions control us. For example, if we get mad we should not yell. If we get angry we should not accuse the other person of doing something wrong. There is always a positive way to have discussions. I also found it interesting that the way we start a discussion is usually an indicator of how well it will end. So, if we start off accusing someone for all their faults they might get defensive (one of the 4 horsemen). In contrast, if we express ourselves using “I” statements our spouse will more likely listen to us and want to help us feel better.