Ever since I got married, my wife’s mother was always kind and accepting of me, I often thought even more than with her own daughter. This made our relationship be a good one where I felt I could trust her. Once in a while I will call her to say hi and I remind my wife that she should call her more often. I really appreciate how she stays out of our marriage and does not try to pry into our issues. It might help that she lives in a different country, but even so, she is a great mother-in-law for me.
On the other hand, my wife does not get along too well with my mom. My mom is the type of mother-in-law that judges my wife and thinks I deserve better. She has interfered in the past by telling us how we should raise our children and letting us know the things she thinks we are doing wrong. I have not taken it too personal because she is my mom and I understand her intention. However, my wife feels she is not good enough for her and she tries to avoid too many conversations and even some family events. My mom would like that we all get together for holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas and she is offended if we do not make the effort to make it happen. I do not like the pressure and would like to have our own family traditions with my wife and two children. I wish my mom was more understanding about this situation and did not make us feel pressured. Maybe then, we would want to spend more holidays together as a family. Being married 12 years we finally had our last Christmas away from my parents and with my wife’s parents. We traveled to Colombia and had a great time. Even then, my mom tried to make me feel guilty for not spending the time with her.
My mom needs to understand the scripture found in Genesis 2:24, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” She needs to let us be happy and be happy for us, without judging the way we do things. However, I cannot only blame her when I am equally or even more responsible for the problem. I have to set the boundaries as my wife’s husband to make sure my mom and extended family respect my wife and know she is first and foremost in my life. I was not very good at doing this at the beginning of our marriage. I would tell my wife that she needed to understand my family and go along with the flow. I have since learned that is not the best answer. Instead, now I have told my family that they need to respect and understand my wife because I love her and she is the mother of our children. I do not let them speak bad about her and make sure that all our decisions are based on my wife’s point of view, not really on what my mom and family think. Verbally putting my wife first has made my marriage stronger. I only wish I had done it sooner.
Fighting For a Happy Marriage 